When I was younger, I could think of nothing more frightening than rejection. Being told no. Losing. Lately, however, I find myself with an unusual new attitude.
Nobody is going to take away my birthday if I fail.
I am applying for things that I won’t get, I’m attempting things that scare me. I’m trusting people when I swore I wouldn’t ever trust anyone again. I’m throwing caution to the wind and running with scissors.
You know what the most amazing thing is? I’m making friends and progress. I’m getting close to people who could do massive emotional damage to me, but I’m slowly recovering from my fear. I’m doing things I care about with people I care about. I’m making a fantastic life that could go horribly wrong at any moment, but I’d have to quote the great theatrical production, South Park if something happened:
“I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin’ really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I’m feelin’ is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid. ”
I’m going to stop being a big sap now, but I just want to encourage everybody to try. It doesn’t have to be something big. Start small. Do things you’re afraid of. I have and my birthday is still in April, right where I left it.